A Season to Let Go

It's been almost one year now since I last posted on this blog. I'm not sure if I know how to write pa.haha!

I don't know what to write. Really! But I want to.. just hoping that through this I can ease the pain I feel inside. I don't even know how to construct every words and sentences that would let you and me understand how I feel and why do I feel what I feel.

I'm still in this season of my life where I'm trying to restore the relationship that was lost and broken to the point that I overdid myself by forcing things to happen, (not knowing that NOT everything is under my control), which resulted to even worse situations.

Uncertain on whether the friendship once enjoyed had changed due to the betrayal of a fast-phased time or was it because of certain emotional responses I should not have brought to existence for-- or was I responding over-dramatically because I cannot accept the harsh reality that people do change and need to change to somebody you don't even know anymore.. or was it me that changed?
TOUGH QUESTIONS with vague answers.

All I ever wanted was to be valued by whom I valued. To be invested a time for me.
Is it that hard? or it is! You cannot value someone you do not love. There is no value without love.
So was there love at the first place? I've learned that I cannot make someone love me. All I can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to them. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.. and i have to learn that it's not the end of the world.

It's painful losing yourself in the process of valuing someone too much and forgetting that you are special too.. that you deserve to be valued and cared too.

God has been telling me to STOP! -- "stop wrestling with me. I want to give new and best things for you but how can I, if you've been holding on to some things that I asked you to let go. I can only fill an empty hand."

I know I'm almost there! I'm almost closing this long and overly extended season of my life and yet frightened to step on to a foreign land.. but I have to! I have to let go of the things that I was used to, to walk away from anything (may it be unnecessary emotions, responses, wrong mindset, wrong people) that no longer serves me, grows me or makes me happy and embrace the new things God has been wanting to give me.

God has been teaching me to WAIT!-- "wait upon me and as you wait.. draw your strength from me. Everything is beautiful in my own right time. Everything will unfold in its perfect timing. Just be patient. Restoration may delay but it will surely come"

Time has its own way of healing if I'd be just more patient. Take Heart! Take Faith! Be assured of the things I hope for and certain of the things I do not see. God makes all things beautiful in His time.

God has been calling me to DELIGHT!-- "Delight yourself in ME, and I'll give you your heart's desire. I can satisfy your hunger and thirst. Find your security in me"


Whether in lack or gain, delight yourself in the Lord. Whether in sunny weathers or stormy nights, delight in the Lord. Only to Him should we build our security. Material possessions fail and people will fail you but God will stand faithful amidst all. When bad things happen and beyond understanding, delight in the Lord.. and when we delight, we worship-- because when we worship the Lord and magnify Him for who He is we realize that our God is bigger than all our troubles combined. 

I thank You GOD for your never-fading faithfulness in my life. Despite the times that I find it hard to worship you because of the hurt and pain, you understand and you bring healing. That whatever season in my life I go through, you see me still with value and the same love from the beginning. You never change.

It has been a tough season and I hope and pray that I will come off tougher.
Let me end with the encouraging faith and devotion of Habakkuk:

Habakkuk 3:17-18

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁷ Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food, 
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls, 
¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the Lord, 
    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

HAVE A FRUITFUL SEASON OF YOUR LIFE! GOD BLESS YOU! :)